Friday, Nov. 10, 2006
The Children... of the Corn
I suppose my goal in life is to make a deep, positive impact in someone's life.
Over a year ago, I started my first job in Albuquerque. I was so excited. I was going to work with kids and help them with their homework. Here I was, ready to help kids with their education, their future, and hopefully, guide them to a relationship with God. I was such a carefree person, kind, gentle, and hardly raised my voice. I suppose I had a calm spirit and had amazing patience. Many children quickly became some of the best friends I have ever really had. I lost all my high school friends when I became a Christian, so these kids were amazing to be with.
However, I look at myself now and see a totally different person. Yes, I still love these kids with all that I am. I give them ear when they have a problem. I give them my shoulder to cry on. I give the my knowledge when they need help with homework, and I give them my advice when they need help. I have given them so much, and in return, they have gave me such joy. But I have realized how everything changed. I'm not they same soft spoken, shy, "I wont yell and threaten" kind of person anymore. I will raise my voice. I have sent numerous kids into time out. I am not shy (Thats why I can sing "Come what may" loud, in front of them all). But I have lost so much patience. I am terribly stressed out. I am always in a bad mood once the kids start streaming in, and even when I'm at home. It feels like it weighing down on me.
So many times I have considered findind a new job. I mean, I only work 18 hours a week at $7.00/hour. It's not really worth it... but I see these kids and i know they need me. I stay there to help the kids who are starving themselves, who are cutting themselves, who parents are drug addicts, who have tried to commit suicide, who have had no hope for the future.
One boy didnt even consider college until I mentioned my school. he is now working to go to UNM in the future. On girl was 2 grade levels behind. After some tutoring, she is above average in all her school work and loves reading. Many kids who have hated reading, are starting to read the books I recommend and are loving them. One of the girls started eating again and stopped seeing a guy who was hitting her. Many have asked me about God.
Future, health, education... God... i see such hope for these kids. A hope that most just pass by. How in the world can I leave that? I know I'm not suppose to think this way, but, these kids are not just members and I'm not just staff... but they are my friends. from the little 5 year olds to the 16 year olds. They are dear friends. I cannot just up and leave my friends... but it is so hard because of the selective few who just wont stop... and the pay that hardly lets me get by.
I need to pray about my job. I dont want to leave just now. But I still have that voice in the pit of my stomache that yells, "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!"
haha... God will show me what to do.
God bless.
--Hope
lovingod at 10:33 P.M.